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Online Hypnotherapy for Worries, Doubts and Fears

Worries and fears are part of our human existence. They signal danger and warn us as protection against threats. However, worries and fears often occur in situations that in reality do not represent any danger. The symptoms of anxiety are not meaningless and have many different backgrounds. The root of the fear usually lies in the personal life history and individual imprints. Online Hypnotherapy offers the possibility to use fear as a resource for readjustment and change.

When worries or doubts have manifested themselves into fears in everyday life, this is a sign that a personal boundary has been crossed and that we are in a situation that we do not yet feel up to.

Fighting against fear or repressing it turns out to be exhausting and pointless in the long run. It is more helpful to use fear as a resource for development opportunities. Only when it is accepted and looked at can it be gradually overcome and a new personal freedom develops.

Signs and symptoms of anxiety

Physical symptoms of anxiety

  • Tightness in the chest up to chest pain
  • Palpitations and even palpitations
  • Lumps in the throat and even choking sensations
  • Dry mouth
  • Difficulty swallowing
  • Shaking
  • Dizziness
  • Weakness
  • Increased urination
  • Sweating
  • Blushing
  • Headache
  • Stomach ache

 

Psychological symptoms of anxiety

  • Feelings of insecurity and incapacity
  • Feeling of threat and danger
  • Increased alertness
  • Confidence in one’s own strengths is diminished or lacking
  • Many situations are classified as negative in the sense of dangerous
  • Attention is increasingly focused on situations and people who could be threatening
  • Experiences are interpreted in such a way that they fit into individual theories of fear. These experiences are remembered, other contrary experiences fade into the background and are quickly forgotten
  • Feeling of losing control over oneself or going insane
  • Thoughts of losing control
  • Avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations

 

Anxiety symptoms often occur in conjunction with other mental health problems, for example depression, stress & exhaustion or self-esteem problems.

The main causes of fear can be dealt with effectively if we consciously face our fears in a safe framework. When fear makes us take action, it means a step in development and maturity for us.

If we repress and avoid anxiety-provoking situations, overplay, deny or numb fears and do not deal with them, then we are inhibited in our actions and we can fall into stagnation. In this case, fear paralyses us or leads to blind and rash actionism or results in sudden panic.

In the long run, this usually leads to professional and private problems. The fear continues to exist and can shift latently from our inner self to external circumstances, as the following examples show.

Online hypnotherapy for phobias

In phobia, there are internal triggers of fear that are shifted to something outside.

Specific phobias

Fear of flying

The fear of flying unconsciously usually has to do with the fear of losing control. In the aircraft and during a flight, things are not in our hands. We need trust, in the pilot, the technology, ultimately in our own fate. Fear of flying can occur at the very thought of flying, before the flight, during take-off or during the flight, or in all of the above situations.

Exam nerves

Exam nerves are very stressful for those affected and can arise before and during an assessment situation. Although the examinees are very well prepared for the examination, there is still the fear of failing and not being able to cope with the tasks, not being able to meet the requirements, getting a blackout and embarrassing themselves.The fear is usually increased by strict or unfair examiners.

Speech anxiety

Everyone gets excited at one time or another when speaking in front of a larger group of people (papers, presentations, lectures, speaking in groups). However, if the anxiety is particularly strong and associated with dry mouth, weak knees, sweating, blushing, dizziness and racing heart, it is a reaction that is no longer appropriate to the situation.

The origin of speech anxiety can usually be traced back to a fear of being judged. In particular, of being devalued or rejected, of failing, and the fear of making mistakes and not being adequate. See also social phobia and signs of lowered self-esteem.

Stage fright

Similar to speech anxiety, it is normal to be excited before a performance. This tension serves to increase concentration and attention and helps to improve performance. However, if stage fright is perceived as very limiting and obstructive, it is also about the fear of being judged, especially of being devalued or rejected, and fear of failure as well as the fear of making mistakes and not being adequate. See more on self-esteem.

This is shameful. Shame always affects us as a whole person and is a very devastating feeling. Even professional artists with many years of experience occasionally have problems with excessive stage fright throughout their lives, which then usually numbs them (medication, drugs).

The fear of rejection and exposure – Social phobia

There is a fear of being the centre of attention or of attracting attention at all and of making a fool of oneself. On a physical level, social phobia manifests itself through sweating or blushing, for example, as well as trembling or stomach problems. This is associated with great shame for those affected and they fear that others might see their fear. Behind the so-called social phobia is the fear of being rejected, humiliated or criticised.

Social phobia is associated with impaired self-esteem and can be accompanied by unconscious defence strategies, such as „conforming and striving for harmony“ as well as „attacking and assaulting“ or „striving for power“.

Fear of crowds, public places, travelling – Agoraphobia

In particular, there is a fear of losing control in public situations, for example fainting. This makes travelling by bus, train or plane, for example, and using lifts unbearable. Those affected are also often afraid that something embarrassing will happen, for example that they will wet themselves. Fear-inducing situations are first left in flight and then avoided. Behind the so-called agoraphobia is the fear of being helpless and having no means of escape.

Fear of loss – The Fear of Insecurity and Isolation

When there is a fear of loss we have the feeling of not being lovable and not being enough. People with fear of loss usually have a partly insatiable desire for attention, understanding or companionship.

They tend to be jealous in relationships when they feel threatened by losing the other person’s attention. In interpersonal relationships, they often put their own needs on the back burner and are more likely to comply with their partner’s wishes out of an unconscious fear of a break-up of the relationship.

However, fear of loss does not only manifest itself in interpersonal relationships. Situations that are unknown, as well as new phases of life and upheaval, can also pose a threat. They can then feel helpless, overwhelmed and on their own, for example.

People with a fear of loss usually unconsciously contribute to being abandoned again and again, because they put their counterpart under pressure with excessive demands or manipulations, which the other person tries to avoid, eventually no longer tolerates and finally ends the relationship. Emotional manipulations are especially clinging, making the other person feel guilty and appealing to gratitude.

Most people affected by loss anxiety have experienced a series of unfavourable conditions in their childhood combined with a specific wound of loss. For more on this, see Emergence and causes of anxiety. When it comes to loss in later life in the form of detachment, separation or inner detachment, these old psychological wounds tear open again and lead to a destructive way of dealing with the situation. It is striking that it is often not the loss itself that triggers strong emotions, but the thought of it, i.e. the fear of it, as well as the inability to deal with it. This fear and its causes can usually be treated well in therapy.

Attachment Anxiety – The Fear of Losing Autonomy and of Commitment

„If it gets serious, I’m leaving,“ say many people who suffer from commitment phobia. Or as singer Robbie Williams sang in his song „Feel“: „Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her.“

Those affected do long for closeness and affection and a relationship – also in the form of a long-term partnership or marriage with children – can certainly be allowed in the case of attachment anxiety. However, interpersonal relationships, which are naturally associated with closeness and commitment, always remain ambivalent in the case of attachment anxiety and distance is maintained in different ways.

Escape, attack and stall reflex

As soon as the desire for connection and security has been fulfilled, those affected withdraw in the form of flight, attack or playing dead. Escape can manifest itself in not entering into a committed relationship, but rather in flirting or having an affair. Or closeness is avoided in a variety of ways. For example, people who are afraid of commitment flee into their work or hobbies, become unfaithful or break off the relationship abruptly and unpredictably.

It is not uncommon for deeper conversations about feelings to be avoided or refused altogether because they trigger stress. An often unconscious defence strategy is also to break off an argument as soon as the partner’s human weaknesses and faults become apparent. Then, subliminally or openly, the other person is repeatedly made to feel that he/she is not good enough. This is combined with the thought that another partner might be better. And so, after an initial phase, doubts about the partner and the relationship arise again and again.

In the dead centre reflex, the attachment phobic may still be physically present, but they are no longer emotionally available or accessible. Attachment phobics describe it as if a switch flipped and feelings for the other person suddenly ceased to exist. Attachment-phobic partners sometimes behave in a distant and rejecting way, but at the same time they often cannot separate.

Most attachment-anxious people are not aware of the fear of attachment and closeness. They rather experience a diffuse feeling of oppression and the fear of having to restrict and commit themselves too much. A high desire for freedom is experienced, but behind this, on a deeper level, lies a painful desire for attachment.

Experiences with the first attachment figures
Fear of emotional closeness is usually associated with a lack of trust and with childhood experiences in which the child felt abandoned (especially in the first two years of life) and with the experience that love is conditional.

An infant, toddler or growing child experiences feelings of abandonment and non-commitment (for example, through crying, not responding to the needs of the child, internal turning away of the parents, loss of a parent, postpartum depression of the mother, etc.) as existentially threatening, since it is dependent on the care of the caregiver. These feelings of helplessness and being at the mercy of others are repressed into the subconscious and kept in check by the defence mechanism „I don’t really need anyone“.

Or/and the child often also had to behave in a corresponding way, was appropriated or was expected to perform in certain ways. Unconsciously, relationships that naturally come with expectations of the other are associated with threats to oneself. Those with attachment anxiety often feel they have to give up their self and defend themselves, even in the face of reasonable demands.

If real closeness and intimacy is then experienced in later relationships, this carries enormous stress potential for those affected. On the one hand, the commitment and the inclination to be pulled want to be allowed, but on the other hand, they are coupled with a deep and usually unconscious feeling of not being able to survive being abandoned.

For those with attachment anxiety, it is necessary to be willing to deal with the origins of their fear of closeness in a professional setting, and in doing so also to gently and step by step confront the childhood experiences that are perceived as threatening in order to heal them.

Effects of closeness anxiety on the partner

Narcissistic behaviours often arise from attachment anxiety. Attachment phobics act more egocentrically, excessively self-centred, depreciatory and often act in a self-aggrandising way to hide their own insecurities.

The question of whether the relationship has a future almost always remains. And so it is a great challenge and effort for affected partners to stay in a relationship with a commitment-phobic partner. The roles, whether one flees or runs after, can change within a partnership or between different partnerships.

People who get involved in a relationship with a person who is anxious about attachment often have the attachment problem of so-called „passive attachment anxiety“ themselves. They experience the distance of their partner as an emotional roller coaster ride, put up with a lot and experience a strong emotional loss of control, which can then express itself in clinging, complaining, threatening or raving. They want to keep the other person at all costs and find it difficult to leave the relationship. (See also fear of loss). However, the more attempts are made to capture and bind the other person, the more the „actively attachment-anxious“ partner distances himself or herself.

It is important that both partners perceive that they have a problem with attachment that has understandable causes. Both must be ready and willing to heal negative episodes of their own history. Otherwise the relationship can remain draining and does not lead to a satisfied partnership at eye level. Rather, in many cases, a classic vicious circle of anger and slights results.

 

The circle of fear

Fears are maintained by a so-called „fear circle“. This develops relatively quickly and is maintained through avoidance. The focus of attention and energy is then spent on avoiding the fear-inducing situations (riding the lift or underground, crowds, social situations, proximity, etc.) in order not to feel the unpleasant sensation of the supposed danger.

However, this makes it impossible for sufferers to have corrective experiences and to realise that the things or situations associated with fear are in fact harmless and not dangerous or even life-threatening.

Every avoidance posture reinforces the fear in the subconscious and thus contributes to its perpetuation. In the same way, negative experiences from the past can perpetuate fears.

Origin and causes of fears

Everyday stress (double burdens, frequent deadlines and time pressure, small or many children, caring for relatives, large household, etc.), burnout, life crises and other mental stresses are often psychological causes. As a rule, there have already been emotional exceptional situations in the past.

Threatening illness diagnoses, diseases of the nervous system, medication, alcohol and drugs are frequent physical triggers for anxiety disorders.

Anxiety can arise in the early stages of childhood, but also in childhood and adolescence in general.
Often it is originally about inner opposing aspirations of autonomy and dependence. The desire for autonomy, self-efficacy and independence is just as strong in a child as the fear of being separated from their caregivers, because this can mean a perceived existential threat for a child.

If children and adolescents are restricted or shamed in their need to try things out at an early age, or if they are left on their own too early and too often, abandoned, exposed to overwhelming, dangerous or life-threatening situations, then this can anchor unconscious fears that show up later in life in situations that superficially have nothing to do with the causes that triggered the fear.

Anxiety-inducing behaviours of caregivers

    • Anxiety in the family: Pessimism or a „doomsday mood“ prevailed. Everyday circumstances were dramatised. The child was not taught how to regulate excitement or fear, generally feelings that are part of life

 

    • Too much closeness, excessive closeness: The child always had to give feedback on where he or she was and what he or she was doing, for example through several phone calls per day. There was too little space for their own development.

 

    • Separation experiences from attachment figures who provided security and leadership (withdrawal of love, abandonment, giving the child away, divorce, hospitalisation, relationship breakdown, absence or death of one or more attachment figures).

 

    • Needy, overburdened, helpless, mentally ill caregivers: There was a lack of creative and different possible solutions for everyday problems and challenging life situations. Or the child had to put his or her own needs aside and was confronted with situations with which he or she was overburdened, e.g. he or she had to take on parental roles for him or herself or for siblings (see also Parentified children).

 

    • Lack of sensitivity in the family: caregivers did not emphatically perceive the child’s feelings of insecurity and needs for closeness, calm and protection and did not respond to them in an age-appropriate way. Natural and age-appropriate fears of the child were ignored and played down. Children’s problems were not recognised.

 

    • Shaming and threatening the child, e.g. by hitting, shouting at, humiliating, belittling, ignoring, badmouthing in front of others, devaluing.

 

    • Generally dominant, hurtful behaviour by caregivers in the form of excessive lecturing, demands, reprimands, pointing out mistakes, restricting and limiting the child’s autonomy and desire for self-development and self-efficacy, manipulation through feelings of guilt.

 

  • Life-threatening situations (e.g. accidents, assaults,diseases)

 

Transmitted fears

Another possibility for the development of fears is transference. If one or more caregivers are fearful because of their own negative experiences, this can be transferred to the child. The child perceives the fear in its caregivers very clearly, even if it is not verbalised. The caregivers‘ attitude to life and actions convey to the child that the world is threatening and not a safe place.
Furthermore, fears can also be transmitted from generation to generation.
If strong traumas were experienced in a family, the associated negative feelings are stored in the cell memory and can be passed on. This is quite classic, for example, in post-war generations.

In order to form fears, it is crucial how past experiences and behaviours of the caregivers have been individually perceived and interpreted by the child. In later life, it is then sufficient for something outside to be unconsciously associated with earlier fearful experiences. Even if something is not factually threatening, physical and psychological signs of anxiety occur in everyday life. In most cases, those affected are aware that the situations in which the fears occur do not represent a danger in reality. Nevertheless, it is not possible to get rid of the feelings of anxiety because they cannot be managed with the pure mind.

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